Do you have a minute? I was wondering if you could minimize your spreadsheets and set aside your day timer for a few seconds to hear me out. First, I appreciate everything you do for me. You work hard to keep the company running and provide us the opportunity to earn money so we can put food on the table and take our families on vacation.
Trust me, I appreciate the opportunity to occupy this job, but here’s the deal. It’s Masters Week, and there are a few things you should know.
First, Masters Week is the best week of the year and I’m not about to let anything ruin that. Not an unreasonable deadline or the client who loves requesting things on Friday afternoon or even the co-worker who routinely corners me into chatting about their cat while I’m helplessly waiting for my lunch in the microwave.
Second, and I know this is a long shot, but I’m tired of there not being any paid days off during Masters Week. I know, this sounds totally insane to you, but just think about it for a moment. You pay us to stay home on Christmas, a holiday in which 70% of the world doesn’t even recognize as a real thing and much of the other 30% just play along for the presents and morning booze in their coffee. Do you know what is most definitely real and awesome? The Masters, and you don’t even need to lie to your kids about it. The Masters is Christmas for golf fans…only better.
Third, if you’re not going to comply with my second request, and you probably won’t, the IT department is going to need to just chill out for a few days. There is going to be some heavy strain on the bandwidth when I’m running a live stream of Amen Corner and two featured groups, not to mention refreshing the leaderboard every minute. It is what it is.
Last, there will be a strict “no meeting” rule on Thursday and Friday, unless you want to huddle around my computer and watch my stream of Rory dropping bombs and flustering Moms around Amen Corner.
I know what you’re going to say. This isn’t how the world works. Missing things you like for things you don’t is just part of being an adult. Companies aren’t in business to pay employees to go home and watch sporting events and drink beer. You’re right, most companies would never fathom such a thing. It’s not at all status quo.
That’s exactly why you should do it, and why I’m here to remind you that this is your opportunity. Your opportunity to be a hero and break the bland, cookie-cutter mold. It is your opportunity to be the coolest damn employer anyone has ever had. Just imagine the excitement that would pour into someone’s heart and soul when an email pops up at 11:45am telling them to go home and enjoy afternoon Masters coverage with a spouse or friend and a 6-pack.
The work will still get done. On Monday. Or Tuesday. Any of us who have completed post-secondary education have already survived 4 or 5 years of cruel post-Masters final exam scheduling. If each spring we managed to go 4 straight days during The Masters without hardly studying for our looming finals and we still came out the other side, surely we are capable of cranking out that memo on Monday or Tuesday. I don’t have a clue what classes I was supposed to be studying for in 2005, but I do remember exactly where I was and how much I jumped and screamed at my TV when Tiger chipped in on the 16th hole Sunday en route to his fourth green jacket.
If you decide to embrace my ideas, everything will be fine. In fact, it’ll be even better because people will be happier and inspired to work harder for you when they return on Monday. Why? Well, you’re a hero now, and nobody wants to disappoint their hero.
In 5 or 10 or 20 years nobody is going to remember the mundane tasks and chores they were supposed to do this week, but they will remember who won The Masters, the excitement that ensued down the stretch, and who they watched it with.
It’s Masters Week. The best week of the year. Kick back, have a beer, and embrace it.
Every golf fan